I have decided to deconstruct my life, and by that, I mean every part of it. Not just my faith, but also my finances, my relationships… every area.
This journey began when God pulled me aside five years ago and led me into the wilderness.
Honestly, it wasn’t easy at first. I complained, resisted, and thought God had abandoned me, but now I see why, and I am so glad He did.
Someone may ask:
What does it mean to deconstruct life?
Deconstructing your life is simply choosing to slow down and take an honest look at everything you’ve been carrying: your beliefs, habits, decisions, and patterns, and gently asking, “Is this really aligned with God, or is this something I’ve just picked up along the way?”
It’s not about losing your faith or tearing everything apart in fear. It’s about making room for truth, healing, and real alignment.
In everyday life, this can look like pausing and asking questions you may have never asked before: Why do I handle my money this way? Why am I holding onto certain relationships? Why do I define success like this?
And as those answers come up, instead of pushing them aside, you bring them to God and allow Him to lovingly reshape how you see and do things.
It also touches how you walk with God.
You move from just repeating what you’ve heard to actually sitting with Him and asking, “What does this mean for me?”
Instead of only declaring that you’ve moved from darkness to light, you begin to explore what that really looks like in your thoughts, your choices, and your identity.
Along the way, God may gently reveal deeper things: old wounds, hidden fears, or patterns like striving and people-pleasing, not to overwhelm you but to heal you. And as He does, you start rebuilding your life with intention, hand in hand with Him, choosing to live in a way that truly reflects the Kingdom you belong to.
What Is the Wilderness?
The wilderness is not just a physical place; it is a spiritual season where God leads you away from what is familiar so that He can do a deeper work within you.
We see this pattern throughout the Bible:
- The Israelites walked through the wilderness before entering the Promised Land
- David spent years in hiding before becoming king
- Even Jesus Christ was led into the wilderness before beginning His ministry
The wilderness, then, is not a mistake. It is part of God’s process.
Okay, back to the topic at hand…
Since then, God has been healing me, dealing with me, and working on my heart.
Now I’m at a point where, even as I read the Bible, I find myself asking a lot of questions, openly and honestly, not in a way that is doubtful or rebellious, but in a healthy way.
I’m looking at the things I’ve been taught and asking:
- Do I truly believe this?
- Do I even want to keep doing what I’ve been doing?
- Am I doing certain things simply because that’s how they’ve always been done?
And now, as God continues to heal the trauma and hurt I’ve carried in my heart, I’m no longer afraid to question things.
The only thing I’m not doing is abandoning my faith.
At first, I thought this season would simply be about healing and letting God remove the pain from my heart. But now I see it differently.
It’s about rebuilding my life.
And I want to rebuild it God’s way. Not rushed. Not surface-level. But intentional and aligned with Him.
Lately, I’ve been studying Myles Munroe’s Rediscovering the Kingdom (you may have your opinion about the man and what he shared, but hey, don’t we all, so let’s not go there; mine is to follow God’s leading), and it has completely shifted how I see life.
When I go back to Genesis 1 and read that God created the heavens and the earth and then gave us the mandate to be fruitful, multiply, and have dominion, it makes me pause.
Because when I look at the world today, and then I look at my own life, I have to ask:
- Where am I not being fruitful?
- And even what I call “fruitfulness,” is it truly fruitful in the King’s sight?
When we say we’ve been removed from the kingdom of darkness and transferred into the Kingdom of Light, that actually means something.
It’s no longer just about quoting it or making affirmations.
It’s about understanding:
- What is the kingdom of darkness?
- What is the kingdom of light?
- What does it mean that I no longer belong there but now belong here?
Because if that shift is real, then it should change how I see life, how I approach things, and how I show up.
And that’s where this deconstruction is coming from.
Honestly, I’m tired of just saying things and declaring them without understanding.
If I belong to the Kingdom of God, then I need to understand what that actually looks like.
- What does it mean to be a Kingdom citizen?
- What does it mean to live under a king?
The Bible says the earth is the Lord’s and everything in it. So what does that mean practically?
How do I show up as a Kingdom child in the world God created?
Because this isn’t just about belief, it’s about partnership.
God created me to co-labor with Him. But what does that partnership really look like?
I’ve realized it means spending more time with the King than I do with the world. I may sound all over the place, but this is where I am.
I just don’t want to live a life where I cover things up instead of asking questions.
I want to ask God:
- What does this mean?
- How do I show up?
- What does it look like for me to live in Your Kingdom?
I want to sit with God and understand His heart.
- Why did He place me on this earth?
- What has He called me to do?
- How am I meant to show up?
And I’m learning to see Him not as a distant God, but as a Father and a friend.
Psalm 32:8 (NIV)
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”
As I grow in my relationship with Him, I realize I can have real conversations with Him. I can read something in the Bible and ask the following:
“What do You mean by this?”
And then allow Him to teach me.
Because I want to be effective.
So if you’re in a place where you’re also deconstructing your life, trying to make sense of what you’ve learned, holding onto what is true, and letting God lead you into deeper understanding…
You’re not alone.
Everything you’ve learned still matters. In fact, it may be the very thing that led you to this place of questioning and seeking.
If you’re on this journey, seeking, questioning, growing, and refusing to settle… Let’s walk it together.